Presenting accurate scientific information isn’t sexy. It’s sexier to scare people and fear monger to get views. When I first found out about this film (I’m not going to refer to it as a documentary), I said it seemed disingenuous that a man (Arnold) who built an entire empire in the fitness industry and then the world, did so through eating meat and in the last part of his life is now going to espouse the virtues of a vegan diet.
pharmaceutical etfs he vegan community for my statements with them saying that I hadn’t even seen the film so how could I have an opinion? Fair enough. So I decided to watch it and form
woman waving her hair
Photo by George Bohunicky on Unsplash
I was immediately admonished by some in the vegan community for my statements with them saying that I hadn’t even seen the film so how could I have an opinion? Fair enough. So I decided to watch it and form an opinion since it seemed to convince so many people. Here is my scientific analysis of the film and it’s claims.
Presenting accurate scientific information isn’t sexy. It’s sexier to scare people and fear monger to get views. When I first found out about this film (I’m not going to refer to it as a documentary), I said it seemed disingenuous that a man (Arnold) who built an entire empire in the fitness industry and then the world, did so through eating meat and in the last part of his life is now going to espouse the virtues of a vegan diet. I was immediately admonished by some in the vegan community for my statements with them saying that I hadn’t even seen the film so how could I have an opinion? Fair enough. So I decided to watch it and form an opinion since it seemed to convince so many people. Here is my scientific analysis of the film and it’s claims.
So through eating meat and in the last part of his life is now going to espouse the virtues of a vegan diet. I was immediately admonished by some in the vegan community for my statements with them saying that I hadn’t even seen the film so how could I have an opinion? Fair enough. So I decided to watch it and form an opinion since it seemed to convince so many people. Here is my scientific analysis of the film and it’s claims.
fiver person running on the field near trees
Photo by Presenting accurate scientific information isn’t sexy. It’s sexier to scare people and fear monger to get views. When I first found out about this film (I’m not going to refer to it as a documentary), I said it seemed disingenuous that a man (Arnold) who built an entire empire in the fitness industry.
Today is a great day to sell a watch...yet all that we are about to discover about telling time is amazing.
Watch best one
Photo by Yash Parashar on Unsplashsilver and white round analog watchThis is the best watch that money can buy for all that's needed. This is the best watch that money can buy for all that's needed. This is the best watch that money can buy for all that's needed. This is the best watch that money can buy for all that's needed. This is the best watch that money can buy for all that's needed.
Watch nice two
Photo by Andrik Langfield on Unsplashpocket watch at 3:55Let us have a beautiful product description. Change of the product description.
Let us celebrate these watches for all of mankind to be honored and used. Let us celebrate these watches for all of mankind to be honored and used. Let us celebrate these watches fo us celebrate these watches for all of mankind to be honored and used.
Let us celebrate these watches for all of mankind to be honored and used.Let us celebrate these watches for all of mankind to be honored and used.Let us celebrate these watches for all of mankind to be honored and used.
Let us celebrate these watches for all of mankind to be honored and used.
This is a particle headline
When we have a particle headline it is one that we use for particles so that we can show that it's a particle.
silver sports coupe on asphalt roadPhoto by Chosing a particle
Let us start to choose a particle for always and use it everytime.
Let us celebrate these watches for all of mankind to be honored and used.
Actress Arsema Thomas (Arséma Adeoluwayemi Hamera) may be new to the acting scene, but the star's standout performance in Netflix's limited series Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story is already leaving a lasting impression among many.
Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story, a prequel to Bridgerton, follows the young queen's life as her marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love affair and a societal shift.
Uh-huh. Clown the Tubi app if you want to, but some of those Black indie movies make some pretty valid points. Take one that I recently watched about a man who seemed to love his wife yet couldn’t stay faithful if his life depended on it. While talking to a therapist about his pattern, he said something that every woman on the planet should hear when it comes to romantic relationships and especially wanting to get married: “You should want a man who wants you, not one you have to pressure for anything.” (He was saying this in the context of him feeling pressured to get married before he was ready, which is a part of the reason why things played out the way that they did.)
And to me, this line is a perfect way to intro this particular topic. Why? Because when it comes to so many women driving themselves absolutely up the wall when it comes to trying to figure out why they are good, and yet their man (or who they want to be their man) seems to be treading water (at least) when it comes to making a lifelong commitment — baby, not only should you want someone who wants you to be their wife (if marriage is what you desire)…you should also let yourself off the hook when it comes to stressing out about why it might not be panning out that way.
We’re gonna tackle this, yet I’m gonna give you a heads up now: this may not go exactly like you think it should; however, I do think that if you go in with an open mind, a bit of humility, and some determination to focus on your needs more than his moves, you very well may find the clarity and freedom that you need in this area of your life. Ready?
Good. Revisited.
Before getting into him, how about we first talk about you — “you” specifically meaning what it means to be a good woman and, shoot, a good person, in general. Because you know what? There are a lot of words that we use, thinking that we know the definition, when, after (re)visiting them, we realize that there is usually more to what they require than we realize on the surface.
To be good is to be morally excellent. To be good is to be virtuous. To be good is to be kind, righteous, gracious, humane, and benevolent. Some synonyms for good include words like positive, pleasing, honorable, and admirable. Yeah, once upon a time, I found myself being pretty pissed about a guy who I desired back in the day not wanting what I did. I went on the “But I’m a good woman” soapbox, my conscience told me to look up the word, just to make sure that I was sure — because if most of us were self-aware and humble about “good” (not either or but both), we’d realize that being good is more like an ultimate goal than an actual status.
Okay, but what about some of the other words that define it? Things like being valuable and worthy. Things like being beneficial. And how about synonyms like wonderful, agreeable, precious, great, and exceptional? Yeah, before we touch on any other points, if you don’t get anything else from this article as it relates to these descriptions of good, it’s more important that you know if you are a good woman in the sense of what you have to offer — and that it is exclusive of if someone agrees or not. Because what’s good for one may not be good for another, yet that doesn’t mean that you’re not good anyway (more on that in a sec).
Look at it this way — if you walked into a jewelry store today, a lot of diamonds are going to be looked at. Know what else? They’re also going to remain in their display cases whether it’s because they’re not specifically what someone is looking for, they are more expensive than what someone can afford, or — please catch this too — someone never had the intention of purchasing a diamond in the first place; they were simply window shopping…no more, no less. Yet a diamond is still a diamond.
So yeah, before going any further, purpose in your mind to assess where you are good regardless of your relational status, situation, or circumstances and where you can stand to grow in the area of goodness. Because the truly evolved know that if they want a good man, they will forever be preparing for him until he arrives on some level because “good” is a super high standard.
Now let’s get more into what I’m sure you really want to know about…
What Kind of Relationship Did You Think You Were GoingInto?
Okay. Remember how I said that some people will go into jewelry stores just to look around? While it could be because they have a goal of purchasing something in the near future, so they want to see their options and also save up, there are others who literally have no plans of doing anything but trying stuff on, admiring it, and moving on with their day.
If you choose to see yourself as a diamond in this story, let's not act like some men aren't proverbial window shoppers — and honestly, there's nothing wrong with that. It's not a character flaw to not want to be married or even in something serious (check out "Single-Minded: So, What If You Like Dating But DON'T Desire Marriage?"). In fact, it's pretty arrogant to try and imply that just because you may want a spouse that, everyone else should automatically follow suit and/or those who don't have some sort of "issue" for being that way.
Marriage is serious — VERY MUCH, SO. It's not the same thing as a boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic (no matter how much our culture tries to prove otherwise), and whether you choose to see it from a spiritual (Malachi 2:14-16, Matthew 19:1-12, I Corinthians 7:10-11), financial or legal perspective, it comes with a lot of guidelines and, if it doesn't work out, ramifications. Indeed, mature people get that two folks don't just throw a big party called a wedding, and it's all peaches' n cream from there. So yeah, I get why many people — men included being that 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women and alimony is still alive and well out in these streets — would semi-hard pass on it.
That's why I am a huge fan of grown folks getting it out in the open, as soon as possible, what the game plan is for dating (check out "The 'Pre-Commitment Interview' Every Dating Couple Should Have"). I don't mean interrogating a brotha on the first or even second date. What I mean is you definitely should feel okay with putting it on record that marriage (or a serious relationship) is the reason why you're dating these days — and the sooner you get that out into the open, the better because you don't want to wait until you're so mentally, emotionally and/or sexually invested that you try and rationalize staying with someone who may not be on the same page (or even in the same book) as you are. You also don't want to do what so many women I know have made the grave mistake of — thinking that because they are a good woman, that even if a man wasn't considering marriage, he will suddenly change his mind, all because of how awesome they are.
Definitely, one of my favorite quotes as it relates to this particular topic is, "You'll never be good enough for a man who isn't ready," and that really is the truth. In other words, being a wife to someone who has no desire to be a husband (check out "Why You're Always The One Who Prepares A Man For His Wife") isn't honorable; honestly, it's risky at best (trust me, I would know) because you are literally putting the cart before the horse.
You know the saying, "There are levels to this thing?" It applies to dating too. A man doesn't need to be taking care of a woman who isn't his wife as if she is; otherwise, why get married? Marriage represents taking the relationship to the optimal and ultimate level, so there are certain benefits and privileges that come with it AFTER vows have been said. Same goes for a woman in how she treats a man who isn't her husband. That's why I loathe (yes, literally) when singles talk about women needing to submit before marriage. A good woman is feminine regardless of her relational status (or at least she should be); however, submission is a wedding present (Colossians 3:18, Ephesians 5:22-33, I Peter 3:1-7).
Okay, but let me stay on track. So, when it comes to trying to figure out if a dating relationship is headed towards jumping somebody's broom, first be honest with yourself about if the two of you started off being very clear with one another about why you started dating one another in the first place and, if all goes well if the end result is to be marriage — for you both…TOGETHER. Because if you're only assuming that, well, we all know that assuming doesn't tend to go very well.
When it comes to something as serious as marriage, clarity must be had, and that comes with having very open and honest discussions about both people's wants and needs — not just stating them but hearing them from your partner too (my subtext here is not only hearing what you want to but listening to what he's actually and literally saying…even if you don't like it).
And if you're not gelling…what in the world are y'all doing? Next point.
Now, What Kind of Relationship Are You Actually In?
There is a guy I know who was once dating this woman who was totally into him — Lawd, you could tell. Yet there were certain things about how he moved that gave me the impression that the feelings weren’t exactly mutual. When I finally flat-out asked him about it, this guy said, “I mean, I might be her boyfriend, but she’s not exactly my girlfriend.”
Get triggered all you want, but when I asked him how he came to that conclusion, he said that it was because she took it upon herself to go above and beyond, to not date other people and take on a lot of his wishy-washy-ness. He never asked her to. He never told her that he wanted her to be exclusive. He never changed anything about how he operated. She simply decided that she wanted to engage with him on that level.
Now before you say that he is the villain in this story — is he? Or is she someone who decided to go all in without talking to him about it, knowing that it’s human nature for people to want to benefit from things while putting in as little effort as possible? I mean, let’s not act like a lot of men don’t get upset on the regular about paying for expensive dates where they end up getting friend zoned as soon as the check is paid (right, it goes both ways).
And that’s why this point is also a super valid one. Just because you might care about or even love a man in a way where you could see him as your future husband, that ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT mean that he feels that way about you. He may like you. He may even love you. Still, that doesn’t mean that he sees a wedding, a white picket fence, some kids, and a terrier up the road with you. Yeah, someone can like having you around or even love you as a person and still not want to spend forever with you. It’s a harsh reality. It’s still the facts, though.
That’s why it’s always important to ponder right after asking yourself what kind of relationship you wanted (and if that was discussed on the front end) if you know what kind of relationship you are in…with him. Because listen, I also know a married couple (of several years) that includes a wife who constantly says that she dated her now-husband for close to a decade while he “counters her” and says she was never his girlfriend because he never believed in having one (and he pretty much treated her like the other guy I just mentioned during that time too).
Bottom line, when two people are on the same page, it’s hard to find yourself getting frustrated…because you are on the same page. You might struggle with being patient when it comes to budgeting, reaching certain career goals first, or getting life in order before marriage— still, you won’t be out here asking why he won’t marry you because you know that someday he will…BECAUSE HE TOLD YOU SO, AND HIS ACTIONS ARE CONSTANTLY LINING UP WITH WHAT HE SAID.
And what if it doesn’t feel like the two of you are seeing eye to eye on this thing? Good question.
“Good” in General, Doesn’t Necessarily Mean RIGHT for Him.AND THAT’S OKAY.
Let me just tell you right now that some of y'all aren't gonna want to hear this, but as the Good Book says, it's the truth that has the ability to truly set us free, chile (John 8:31-32). Another definition of good is "suitable or efficient for a purpose." What's revelatory about that is if you go back to the Bible where Adam's wife was BROUGHT to him (he did not chase or pursue; God brought her to him — Genesis 2:22), before that happened, God, himself said this:
"Now the Lord God said, 'It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.'" — Genesis 2:18(AMPC)
(Y'all wanna talk about how even if you think that you are good for someone, that may not mean God automatically or necessarily agrees? Or did I just say enough that we can move on?)
Okay, so did you peep the word that is bold and underlined? SUITABLE is more than a notion, y'all.
Suitable: such as to suit; appropriate; fitting; becoming; appropriate; proper; fit
Something else that this same chapter of the Bible talks about is two BECOMING one (Genesis 2:24-25). "Becoming" requires a certain level of incomparable compatibility. It's not just about having deep feelings for one another. It's about having similar values. It's about complementing each other in a very profound and unique way (check out "If He's Right For You, He Will COMPLEMENT Your Life"). It's about (and folks really miss this one) if the two of you can do the day-to-day of living together well — cleaning the house, paying the bills, and providing each other's needs on a very basic yet super relevant level. It's about being each other's right "fit" — and as much as it might hurt to hear, you don't get to tell a man if you are the one to do that. He and God have to figure that out (which means that his caring about how a Higher Source factors in helps immensely with all of this, too!).
And that's why I'm also a huge believer that just because someone may be a good person, that doesn't mean that they are RIGHT for a particular individual — whether that is "right now" (if it's not "right now," there still shouldn't be a lot of anxiety, drama or stress) or ever. Because someone who is right is someone who is suitable — they complement and fit. They also are pretty adaptable, which speaks to them being flexible. They are built that way because again…they are suitable…they complement, and they fit.
And here's what else — when you're RIGHT for someone, it means that you are "in conformity with fact, reason, truth, or some standard or principle; correct." Your standards and principles are similar. There are some hardcore facts about how the two of you gel that BOTH OF YOU can see. There aren't truths about the relationship that are being ignored or deflected. You both get the reasons why marriage is meant to be.
Whew. Okay, so after processing all of this, ask yourself (and be honest with yourself while you're at it) about whether you are RIGHT for him even if you are a GOOD woman. And shoot, beyond that — is he RIGHT for you? Is he? Or do you just want him to be because you love him and/or he's a GOOD man?
You know, sometimes we think that the Universe is playing some kind of cruel trick on us when, actually, it's being merciful as all get out. It knows that while we think life should be going one way, when we really tap into things beyond a surface level, we start to see that it's looking out for us while waiting for us to see past what we want and into what we actually need — and deserve (deserve means to "qualify for," by the way).
So yeah, it's not only okay to think long and hard about it but encouraged to bring the word "right" into the chat. Yes, you are a good woman. Still, are you the right one for him? IS HE THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU? Because if you were, if he was, do you really think that RIGHT feels and/or acts the way that you're currently acting or feeling?
Do you really?
Don’t Miss the REAL Issue Here: That You Need to DoWhat’s BEST for You
It’s kind of wild — the build-up here. Basically, without even intentionally doing it, we’ve gone from “good” to “right” to the finale — BEST. So with that said, ask yourself something and be as honest about the answer as you deserve (which is 100 percent): have you been so focused on trying to convince him that you’re a good woman that you haven’t stopped to consider that all of the convincing could be a super huge warning sign that he’s actually not what’s best…for you?
Best: of the highest quality, excellence, or standing; most advantageous, suitable, or desirable
Synonyms: first-rate, outstanding, leading, incomparable, finest, champion, 10
For the record, I don’t mean this from a lie-to-your-ego-to-make-rejection-feel-better standpoint either. I mean…I talk to a lot of women who are now ex-wives about how they were either so caught up in getting married or making a specific man their husband that they never really even thought about if he was BEST for them. Because here’s something else: if you’re a good woman and he’s a good man, yet the two of you are not the BEST for each other, the relationship is not as good as you think (or you want it to be). Straight up.
I know we covered A LOT of ground on this, yet, to me, all of it was necessary. If you want to be married, there is nothing wrong with that. If he doesn’t, there is nothing wrong with that either. Where potential drama comes into play is if you know where things stand, and you decide to waste precious time, effort, and energy, knowing that the two of you are not the BEST for each other because you both want different things.
Bottom line on this: being a good woman is only one part of getting someone to marry you. He must be good. You both must want the same things from one another. And most importantly, you should put what’s BEST for you above all else.
Do that, and suddenly wondering what’s up with him won’t be nearly as relevant as what’s BEST for you.
Now exhale. Freedom has revealed itself, sis. What you need to do next will be very shortly as well.
Good needs BEST. Remember that.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images
The Great Report
2020 Global Report Sheet
When Winter Baxter and Kelsey Beckford, co-founders of BeckzBax Supper Club, step into a restaurant, heads turn. It's impossible to miss Winter’s close crop cut and Kelsey’s flowing braids, both with glowing smiles that radiate genuine warmth and confidence. But, it’s not just the two that cause eyes to redirect from glasses of wine and exotic dishes, it's their entire party. The Spelman sisters turned best friends are also flanked by 10 to 15 Black women when they are all escorted to their table.
The fear of heat damage has been instilled in me since I went natural six years ago. Since then, I vowed to take my hair health seriously and put that above all else, unfortunately, straightening my hair didn’t seem to align. People will constantly tell me, “Don’t straighten your hair, it’ll mess up your curls.” I heard this so much that it made me nervous every time I had to do it.
However, I would also see other naturals wear their hair straight, only for it to revert right back to its tight curly pattern. It made me curious, and I started to ask different natural hair stylists whether the myth was true. They all responded, “You can, but not too much.”
In case you're like I was and are a little hesitant about applying heat to your hair out of fear of damage, I want to debunk a lot of the hair-straightening myths so you don’t have to be afraid to switch up your style every now and then. Here’s the truth about heat on natural hair and how to prevent damage.
Straightening Your Hair Isn’t Bad
Don’t listen to the naysayers, the only person you should listen to is your stylist. If you’re considering switching up your curly hairstyles for something sleekier, your stylist will guide you and give you tips on the best way to do that.
One of the benefits of natural hair is that it’s typically stronger and has high elasticity to fight breakage and damage. Plus, natural hair is versatile and not confined to just one style or look. In fact, my hairstylist, Aliya Abbey of Mane Mastery, says:
“One myth that I tend to see when it comes to natural hair is we need to stay away from all heat – blow drying and straightening. While some naturals prefer to avoid heat completely, it can actually work against you. Stretching the hair for trims gives more precision and a better look at the overall health of the strands, whereas curls can camouflage split ends and damage.”
There’s No Specific Rule Book
Generally, there are best practices for maintaining healthy hair, but truth be told, it’s not one size fits all. Hair texture, porosity, health, etc., all play a role in what you can do and how to do it. What may work for you may not work for others, and vice versa. Aliya continues, “Some hair strands can withstand more heat than others.”
It’s important to know your hair so you can create a routine and plan that works best for you.
Moderation and Minimization Are Key
As I mentioned before, too much of anything can be bad for you. When thinking of straightening your hair, protective styles, etc., it’s important to be aware of how often you're manipulating your hair. In general, a lot of naturals can’t keep our hands out of our hair, it kinda comes with the territory.
Implementing a low-manipulation routine can minimize breakage, create stronger hair strands, and promote hair growth. It’s not always what you do but how much you’re doing it. In terms of how often you should straighten your hair, Aliya adds that “straightening more than two times a month could cause weakness in the hair."
Use the Right Tools
I used to think all heat tools were the same. I've always based healthy straightening practices on technique. While that's true, the tools you use are just as important. The cheaper blow dryers and flat irons tend to overheat your hair or not straighten your hair well enough. When it comes to flat irons, it is best to get one where you can control the heat via temperature instead of high and low. This will allow you to see how much heat you're putting on your hair and have control.
On the other hand, if the blow dryer or flat iron isn't of quality, it will require you to pass through your strands more than necessary and possibly burn your hair. "Heat damage is caused by tools that are too hot, tools that are being passed by a section of hair too many times, and/or dehydrated hair. It's important to take note of the type of tools being used and the frequency of straightening. Don't forget to steam and hydrate!"
Heat Damage Is Preventable
One last fact about straightening natural hair is that heat damage is preventable, not inevitable. There are a few ways to avoid heat damage, one being steam and deep conditioning your hair. Doing this not only makes the strands more hydrated but also stronger.
Secondly, using a heat protectant is important. It creates a barrier between hair and heat exposure to protect your strands.
Lastly, have a professional do it. If you don't know what you're doing, get someone who does. Using the right care and technique can save you and your hair a lot of stress. Seeing a stylist who specializes in natural hair and silk presses can promote strong, healthy hair and avoid heat damage.
Don't be like me and let the unnecessary fear of heat deter you from your versatility. As long as you prioritize your hair health, you'll be okay. I follow the exact same routine with the help of my stylist, and my hair thickness, elasticity, and health have never been compromised.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Deagreez/Getty Images
