CHICKEN WRAPPED ASPARAGUS
Chicken on black round plate
Photo by Anshu A on UnsplashINGREDIENTS
Ingredients for 4 rolls
- 1lb (four 4oz pieces) chicken breast
- 1/2 cup chipotle raspberry sauce
- 1/4 cup for marinating
- 1/4 cup for basting
- 16 thick asparagus spears
- aluminum foil (for tips of asparagus)
- Garnish
- finely chopped cilantro or parsley
- Fire up a grill to roughly 300F-350F (177C).
- Slice larger, thicker pieces of chicken breasts in half – butterfly cut – to make thinner pieces of chicken.
- Pat the chicken dry with a paper towel, then gently flatten out the chicken using a food mallet or the bottom of a heavier skillet. Careful not to pulverize the chicken.
- Season with a little pepper, then add the pieces to a sealable plastic bag along with half of the raspberry sauce. Seal the bag, leaving as little air as possible, and marinate for at least 20 minutes at room temperature, or 1 hour in the fridge.
- Remove the pieces of chicken from the bag. Place about 4 spears of asparagus at the thicker end of the chicken breast, then tightly roll it closed with the smaller, thinner side down. Repeat.
- Place the chicken on the hot grill with the flap side down so it cooks closed.
- Grill for 8 to 10 minutes, then flip. Use the remaining sauce to baste the (cooked side of) chicken after you flip it. Cook for another 8 to 10 minutes, or until the juices run clear and the chicken is white on the inside. Brush the remaining sauce over the chicken again and garnish.
- Enjoy the rolls with brown rice, quinoa, roasted potato or even cauliflower rice for a lower carbohydrate alternative.
CHIPOTLE RASPBERRY SAUCE
Strawberry and blueberry on white ceramic plate
Photo by Inja Pavlić on UnsplashINGREDIENTS
Ingredients for 16 servings (of 2 tbsp each)
- 2 tablespoons olive oil
- 1 tablespoon garlic, minced or chopped
- 1/3 cup red onion, diced
- 2 teaspoons cumin
- 15oz fresh raspberries
- 2/3 cup apple cider vinegar (add more/less to taste)
- 2 tablespoons Worcestershire
- 2 tablespoons liquid smoke (whichever flavor you prefer)
- 4 tablespoons coconut sugar (or honey/agave or 2g Stevia in the raw)
- 3 tablespoons can chipotle sauce (more/less to desired spice level)
- 1/2 tablespoon arrowroot starch (mixed with 1 tablespoon water)
- Set a nonstick skillet on medium heat, add olive oil, garlic and onion. Caramelize the onions for 3 minutes and be careful not to burn the garlic.
- Add cumin and "bloom" the spice in the oil for 1 minute.
- Add fresh raspberries. Gently push them around the skillet and allow them to explode under the heat to create a sauce. About 5 to 7 minutes.
- Add vinegar, Worcestershire, liquid smoke and coconut sugar. Bring it a simmer, about 1 to 2 minutes, then add chipotle sauce (and if desired, one chipotle pepper to simmer in the sauce). Cook together on low heat for 3 to 5 minutes, stirring occasionally to ensure no sticking.
- Mix arrowroot starch with water, then pour into the skillet. Stir immediately to avoid any clumping.
- Remove the skillet from the heat and allow it to thicken more. Season to taste with sea salt and pepper. If you want the sauce to be thinner, add tablespoons of vinegar or broth.
- Store in an airtight jar or container in the fridge for up to 2 weeks.
An Unspoken Wound: How I'm Healing The Trauma Of Not Having A Relationship With My Mother
I used to be a child that sought constant acceptance, approval, and validation from my mother. I longed for the mother-daughter relationships that I saw on TV, in movies, or that my girlfriends had with their mothers. I would be triggered watching mother-daughter Lifetime movie scenes. Warm tears slowly rolled down my face as I watch rehearsed scenes of what a mother-daughter relationship should look like.
As a child, I remember feeling like I was not worthy of my mother’s love. I remember feeling jealous of the love my mother would show to my twin brother and cousins. But when it came to me, my mother seemed to treat me differently. Every difference of opinion seemed to create distance. Every conversation turned into an argument. And I could never understand why.
From the time I was in middle school or either high school, I looked for motherly love in other women – my older cousins, aunts, godmother, my girlfriends’ mothers, and colleagues. At one point, physical distance made our relationship more amicable. But as I started to undo conditioned beliefs, become my authentic self, and heal my inner child, my relationship with my mother went from strained to completely estranged over the years. Believe me — I have tried to fix things with my mother. The pain just lingers. This is never what I had wanted. And I still don’t want it to be this way. I mean, what daughter would want that?
It took time and therapy, but I had to protect my energy and make peace with my reality. I love my mom as any daughter would. My mother is the reason I stand on my feet and not on my knees. I am more than grateful for my mother and everything she sacrificed for me. Because of my mother, I present and carry myself well. Extremely well. I am strong, independent, respectful, confident, responsible, educated, eloquent, well-dressed, successful, compassionate, well-rounded, graceful, disciplined, and hard-working. She raised one hell of a woman.
The relationship we have with our mothers is seen as one of the most important relationships in our lives. It is this type of relationship that dictates your interactions with other people. It is said what happens in your childhood shows up in platonic and romantic relationships. It’s true. Most of the time, mother-daughter relationships are portrayed as healthy, secure, loving relationships. Women often say, “My mother is my best friend.” However, this isn’t true for some women. As women have become more transparent about generational trauma, it’s definitely not true. What is true is that more and more women are sharing their experiences with having a toxic mother.
And I think it’s time we elevate the conversation about toxic mothers. It was within the last year or two I learned that the psychological term for an unhealthy relationship with our mothers is called the "mother wound." Thanks to the Instagram page @motherwoundproject, women like me have a resource to understand, validate, and cope with our own mother wounds. Let’s take a closer look at what the mother wound is, the signs of the mother wound, and how to find healing.
What Is the Mother Wound?
According to Stephi Wagner, the founder of the Mother Wound Project, the mother wound is all the pain we carry from our relationship or lack of relationship with our mothers. It is the generational pain and a intergenerational complex trauma inherited and passed down between grandmothers, mothers, and daughters. The mother wound usually affects women of color, women from immigrant families, or women living in poverty. This pain can stem from childhood, adolescence, or adulthood.
It is important to note that the mother wound is not gender specific – both men and women can have mother wounds. However, it is more common in mother-daughter relationships. The mother wound can also be described as a loss or lack of mothering. For example, your mother may have been able to provide physical needs but could not provide for your emotional needs. Causes for the mother wound can range from neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, and/or sexual abuse.
The Signs of Having the Mother Wound
Every mother's wound is different and is experienced differently. It can cause emotional and mental damage. For me, my mother wound showed up as wanting my mother’s approval, trying to please my mother with my academic accomplishments, shaming my body, thinking my mother didn’t love me, conflict avoidance, and having weak boundaries.
According to Psychology Today, signs of the mother wound can look like this:
"Never feeling they had their mother's approval or acceptance;
"Concerns about not being loved by their mother or not being loved as much as other siblings or family members;
"Difficulties in relating to the mother on an emotional level;
"Feelings of having to protect, care for, or shelter your mother rather than her protecting, caring for, and sheltering you."
And according to the Mother Wound Project, other signs of the mother wound may be described as the following:
"You feel responsible for the feelings and happiness of others;
"You have a history of unfulfilling, difficult, or even abusive relationships;
"You are either afraid of conflict and find yourself avoiding it at all costs, OR You find yourself seeking out conflict for the wrong reasons;
"You believe deep down that you are 'unlovable' or 'hard to love';
"You have a hard time saying no, setting boundaries, or asserting yourself, especially when others may be disappointed or upset;
"You care too much about the judgments and opinions of others."
These negative feelings lead to reduced self-esteem in your childhood and as an adult. Ultimately, one can end up having codependency issues in their adult relationships or struggle with an attachment disorder.
Healing From the Mother Wound
For the longest time, I thought I was the only one who had a difficult relationship with their mother. By speaking my truth, I found that three of my close friends also do not have healthy relationships with their mothers. And honestly, there was so much comfort and healing in knowing I had a friend that could relate to my experiences. It’s not easy to talk about the pain of not having a relationship with your mom. You are often envious or feel a way knowing that your friends have what you desire. The type of mother-daughter relationship filled with open communication, transparency, love, affection, and friendship.
Most of the time, friends like this don’t understand or can’t relate. They say things like, “I can’t imagine not speaking with my mom,” “You only have one mom,” or “It’s still your mom.” And to someone who struggles with not having their mom in their life - it’s probably the worst thing you could ever say simply because that is not our truth.
An article by Mindbodygreen states that in order to heal from a mother wound we must learn to re-mother ourselves and set boundaries around the relationship with our mothers. We have to create a new relationship with ourselves and learn to meet our own emotional, physical, and practical needs. This means acknowledging our pain and grieving that pain with our inner child. It is recommended to work with a therapist to process those feelings.
I first addressed my mother wound in talk therapy and journaling. I also worked through my pain in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a past life regression (hypnosis), and equine-assisted therapy (horse therapy). The memories and feelings I had to unpack were uncomfortable but necessary for me to heal. I had to come to the understanding that the women before me didn’t know any better and were doing what they thought was right. By acknowledging this, I was able to change my reaction and/or responses, show compassion, and forgive my mother.
Please note that the mother wound is not a clinical or medical diagnosis. The mother wound just cuts deep. It is something that many women struggle to heal from. And if you are trying to heal from the pain of having a difficult mother-daughter relationship, I want you to know you’re not alone. It’s going to take some time.
And it’s going to take remembering things you don’t want to remember. You’ll unpack a whole lot of feelings. There’s going to be some ugly crying too, but the pain will soften. You will still have your moments and internal battles, but you will find acceptance, comfort, and peace. I have found that women have the natural ability to connect through our pain and heal each other just by sharing our truths.
So, if you think you are suffering from a mother wound or have a broken relationship with your mother, you can and will find healing.
I did and I am still healing.
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The Great Report
2020 Global Report Sheet