It all started with a pair of sweatpants. They were gray, shapeless, two sizes too large, with my company’s logo printed on the left hip—a gift given out at our 2019 holiday party. I couldn’t resist sinking into their cozy warmth every chance I got. After three months of enjoying them on weekend bodega runs, they became a much more permanent part of my wardrobe when the pandemic hit. With nowhere to go, I couldn’t muster up the energy to wear anything else.
My sleek leather pants and cool vintage Levi’s only reminded me of how life as we knew it was over.In the grand scheme of things, this was not a problem. I had my health, my family was safe, and I could easily work from home—it was a privilege to have enough time and energy to even briefly think about clothing. But by April 1, 20 whole days into my quarantine, it felt like I’d been wearing sweats forever. That’s when I had an idea.
I’m a novelist, and at that point, I was 60 pages into writing a murder mystery. I abandoned that project—it was too depressing—and cast around for another topic. Sick of my aforementioned sweatpants, I wanted to dive into a glamorous world. I imagined my new protagonist would be a fashion stylist. (This was truly the very first character detail I came up with.) I missed live music and all the other fun New York City has to offer, so I decided her love interest would be a musician, and they’d have date nights at all my favorite restaurants and bars. I craved travel, so there’d be chapters set in Portland and Miami. Most of all, I wanted to hug my grandparents, so I dreamed up a fabulous matriarch. Two years later, that book hit shelves. It’s called Meant to Be Mine, and it’s about a woman who knows the exact day she’ll meet the love of her life, thanks to a prophecy from her eccentric grandmother.
brown tabby cat on white stairsPhoto by 
One of my favorite parts of writing the book was constructing a fictionalized version of New York’s fashion industry. I knew the subject fairly well, thanks to years of interning for fashion magazines and a womenswear designer, as well as reporting on fashion week. I’ve spent my entire career as a writer and editor for lifestyle publications in the city—so while I’m not a fashion industry insider, I’m pretty adjacent. Still, I wanted to learn more, so I started my research.
To flesh out stylist Edie Meyer’s world, first I called Audree Kate López, a stylist living in Manhattan, to get the scoop on what her career looks like behind the scenes. We had crossed paths early on in our careers when I was at Seventeen and she was at Redbook. I’ve been a fan of her work ever since. She has such a knack for styling vibrant, fresh, very New York looks that embody the energy I wanted readers to feel while reading my book.
She told me about the time she styled a pop star with such long, unwieldy nails, she couldn’t put on her own underwear. She talked about a gig styling a rapper who insisted on having lobsters delivered to the set of his photoshoot. Off-camera, López cringed as lobster juice dripped all over the expensive pants she was wearing. I couldn’t resist putting both of those stories in the book. She also considered descriptions of my characters and recommended brands they should wear. (For Edie herself, vintage Versace and Valentino from her grandmother’s closet paired with chunky Lulu Frost jewelry.)
I also used my own experiences in magazines as inspiration. Pre-2020, I went to lots of press previews, which strike me as such a quirky element of the industry. The guests were often familiar to me—typically people who held my same job title at other publications. I could count on there being copious amounts of wine and cheese, and I was always tickled by the unusual perks publicists offered to get busy writers and editors in the door. (I’ve received everything from a dance class led by the Rockettes to Beyoncé tickets.)
In Meant to Be Mine, Edie goes to a press preview and air-kisses the guests she knows: fashion editors, Bachelor contestants-turned-influencers, and “Frank, who does not work in fashion (or seem to work at all), and yet somehow makes an appearance at more industry parties than any of us.” (Don’t we all know a Frank?) She enjoys the brand’s signature cocktail, and after viewing the clothes, listens to a “fireside chat by a renowned career coach,” because what else would a brand specializing in great suits do?
If you’re either not yet (roughly) in your 40s or you’ve never given birth to a child, let me just tell you that something that’s probably coming your way that you probably never gave much thought to is some form of vaginal laxity.
Although I’ve been able to avoid it until, eh, the last several months or so, now that it likes to show up and out on occasion, I have definitely made it my purpose and mission to figure out how to get it under some level of control — not because I take issue with aging (I don’t); it’s just that, sneezing too hard and feeling a drip or two has never been a part of my life, so why start now, chile.
Yeah, vaginal laxity isn’t really something that a lot of women are running to the water cooler to discuss. Oh, but believe you me, it is something that affects quite a few women (around 40 percent self-report it; others prefer to “suffer” in silence).
So, just so you won’t find yourself freakin’ out or feeling some form of shame or embarrassment should it even come knocking on your own door (uh, so to speak), let’s take out a few moments to discuss what vaginal laxity is and how you can (relatively) easily treat it — even from the comfort and convenience of your own home.
What Exactly Is Vaginal Laxity All About?
Even though we all pretty much use the word “vagina” to address our entire genitalia, that’s not actually what it is. Technically, your vagina is a tube that connects your vulva (the outer part of your vaginal region) to your cervix (the neck of your uterus). Your vagina is how penises can penetrate you, and vaginal births are able to transpire.
As far as the walls of your vagina go, they consist of muscular tissue, mucus membranes, fibrous material, and collagen. Your vagina also has pleats of tissue called vaginal rugae; this is what makes it easier for your vagina to expand, whether it’s during sex or when you’re delivering a baby.
As we age, the potency of our vaginal rugae weakens. That’s because we start to lose estrogen and collagen. And whether it’s due to aging or giving birth, sometimes our vaginal walls can become weaker as well; when that happens, it’s oftentimes referred to as vaginal laxity.
So, what are some of the telltale signs of vaginal laxity (beyond what I just said)? Good question:
- Urinary continence
- Less vaginal lubrication
- Pain/discomfort during intercourse
- Less sensation during intercourse
- More vaginal “air sounds” during sex and/or exercise (because your walls are a bit looser)
- A lower libido altogether
And what if you’re slowly yet surely seeing some of this popping up in your own life? My two cents are to not ignore it because, if it is indeed vaginal laxity, it’s not really something that will just…go away. You will need to book an appointment with your doctor to discuss with them what is going on so that they can test your hormone levels, do a vaginal exam, and (if you do have it) explore some treatable options with you.
Options like what? That is also a good question.
WhyDo Some People Treat It with Vaginal Rejuvenation Surgical Procedures?
Okay, so here’s the deal — if you are indeed “diagnosed” (I put that in quotes because many medical professionals say that vaginal laxity isn’t the easiest thing in the world to actually diagnose), you will need to go through some form of vaginal rejuvenation whether it’s surgical, laser or opting for some DIY approaches. Let’s touch on some of the professional options first.
Vaginoplasty: Although this term is being associated more and more with transwomen, it originally was created to help women to reconstruct their vagina (again, the actual tube) if there was significant damage done following vaginal childbirth.
Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation: This is when lasers are used to strengthen the walls of your vagina. A popular one is FemTouch, although I recently read an article about how the FDA should really take a deeper look into this procedure due to the potential risks that come along with it (like burning your vagina due to the intensity of the laser frequencies).
RF (Radio Frequency) Treatment: This is a skin-tightening procedure that consists of heating up your vaginal walls in order for it to create more collagen, elastin, and skin cells.
Potential risks aside, from what I’ve researched, it was hard to nail down an exact price for any of these. What I can tell you is that you’re easily gonna need a couple of thousand dollars to get the kind of results that you are looking for — and that’s on the low end of things.
WhatAre Some At-Home Remedies for Vaginal Laxity?
Listen, I don’t know about y’all, but nothing in me likes the thought of clipping, potentially burning, or draining my bank account if I can at all avoid it. Thankfully, there are some things that you can try at home (at least first) that are safer, cheaper, and that many physicians say are just as effective.
Kegels. If there’s one word that you’ve probably heard a billion times at this point, it’s kegels. They are exercises that help to strengthen your pelvic floor walls, which can definitely help to reduce incontinence and, as a bonus, intensify your orgasms too.
Squats. Usually, when squats are brought up, it’s in the context of creating a rounder butt. However, your vaginal walls can benefit from them as well. That’s because by focusing on strengthening your legs and working out your hips, it tightens your pelvic floor at the same time. So clearly, squats are a win all the way around.
Yoga. Last month, we published the article “5 Postpartum Yoga Poses To Reengage Your Pelvic Floor That Are Better Than Kegels.” I’m thinking that is pretty self-explanatory, although I do believe that it should also go on record that yoga also helps to reduce stress — and since stress can jack up your hormone levels and that can result in vaginal dryness, well…yeah, yoga is definitely something that you should consider getting into if you want your vagina to be “tight and right.” A site by the name of Wellness Travel Diaries even did you a solid by publishing “15 Powerful Yoga On Youtube Classes With Black Teachers.” #givethanks
Phytoestrogens. If your doctor confirmed that your estrogen levels are steadily decreasing, while you can do some form of estrogen therapy (definitely speak with your physician first), there are also foods that are rich in estrogen; they’re called “phytoestrogens” because they are a plant-based form of estrogen. Some phytoestrogens include cashews, garlic, peaches, broccoli, dried fruit, berries, and red wine.
Vitamin C-Enriched Foods. Remember how I said that vaginal laxity can lead to less collagen too? Well, since vitamin C helps to stimulate collagen production, also consume foods that are filled with this particular nutrient. Some that top the list include bell peppers, tomatoes, cabbage, white potatoes, citrus fruits, parsley, and strawberries.
Less Sugar. It really is wild how delicious processed sugar is when intel just keeps on revealing how bad it is for our health (especially when not consumed in extreme moderation). As far as your vagina goes, not only does the bad bacteria in it like to feast on sugar (which can lead to a chronic yeast infection), but it also has the ability to weaken collagen fibers. Yep, that’s why a lot of people see premature fine lines and wrinkles; they’ve been eating too much sugar!
Weight Management. Weight puts added pressure on the body, and your pelvic area is certainly not exempt. One way to avoid doing this to yourself is exercising and staying at a healthy weight. Your vaginal walls will be so much stronger for it.
Plenty of water. Every part of your body needs plenty of fluids; that’s because your body is mostly made up of water (reportedly, somewhere around 60 percent). When it comes to your vagina, specifically, consuming water helps to flush out toxins, reduce dry and itchy vulvar skin and, it can help to keep the natural juices down their flowing so that a lack of lubrication isn’t as much of an issue.
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Again, vaginal laxity isn’t something that gets us excited as far as getting older goes — yet now that you know more about it and how to handle it, hopefully, you’ll approach it with grace and ease. Hmph. I know I plan to.
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Featured image by wmich/Getty Images
The Great Report
2020 Global Report Sheet
